Don’t Tolerate Conflict

Conflict is a loaded word, and it often gets a bad rap because we’re accustomed to recognizing conflict in its extreme form – arguments, fighting, constant complaining, or visible drama playing out before us.  Being in or near that kind of energy is daunting, being the one to have to do something about it can be downright scary. It’s no wonder that we get good at avoiding conflict or minimizing it so it’s easier to be around/live with.  

The thing is, defining conflict by its extreme result is limiting.  If you view conflict as the experience of needs or expectations not getting met, all sorts of cool things happen.  Conflict becomes the signal that something is amiss, and opens up the choice for you to do something about it.  

  • You’ll start to see it when it first happens
  • You’ll start to see where it’s been living, unacknowledged
  • You’ll start to see when it’s about to hit its fever pitch
  • You’ll start to see how to work through conflict, big or small, to get to a better place

Conflict is around us all of the time, it exists in many shapes and sizes.  Recognizing it for what it is is a big first step. Embracing it as a source of creativity is the key that turns it from a battle you’re stuck fighting into a puzzle you’re engaged in solving. 

What conflicts are alive and kicking on your team?  How do you respond to them? What would it feel like if everyone got better at bringing them into the open for attention and less good at avoiding dealing with them?  At Vestalia, our goal is not to be conflict-free, it’s to be conflict-resolvers. It’s to identify it and normalize the practice of working through it together to get it resolved with heart, and see what can be learned or created as a result.  Our Leadership Essential says it best – Don’t Tolerate Conflict. Check it out:


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À la Carte

Find links here to unrelated yet thought-provoking content that has caught our attention.  Order it, share it with a friend, or skip it to save room for info you really want to digest.

Article, 3 minute read

​The 3 Minutes It Takes To Read This ​Will Improve Your Conversations Forever

Ever been in a conversation that is going nowhere?  One trick to spice things up or get past the small talk is to ask good questions.  This article covers several different ways to get inquisitive, all broad enough to practice with a co-worker, friend, kid, or partner.  What kind of questions would you add to the author’s list?

Article, 2 minute read

Why You Need “White Space” In Your Daily Routine

From the article: 

In design, “white space” is negative space. It’s not blank space because it has a purpose. It is balancing the rest of the design by throwing what is on the page (or the screen) into relief. The white space helps focus your visual attention.

We need white space in our daily lives just as much as we need it in our designs…If our lives are over-cluttered and over-booked, we can’t focus properly on anything. What’s more, this way of working actually shrinks our ability to think creatively.

This article outlines the payoffs of having white space in your routine, what can happen if you don’t get it, and it offers some examples of what being in white space can look like.  


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